Who Says Life is Easy

I am still surprised when life sneaks up on me. It happens at about halfway through the semester. I become so absorbed in pathophysiology of diseases, nursing interventions, and clinicals that I don't see things under my nose. A couple of weeks ago my mom got sick (she's better now) and now my step-daughter isn't doing so well right now. It takes big stuff to jerk me out of this stupor and now I'm worried that I'm too far out of it. I hope I can concentrate on the both and successfully pull home life and school life to a happy ending. When it rains, it pours right? I think I'm in the middle of a thunderstorm. I just need to keep focusing on what I need to, in this moment, and try to move back and forth between the two.
I still worry about being a good mom. I still worry about if I'm learning this information and can actually put it to practice when I'm helping people. If I can't help the people in my own family, can I possibly be of help to the people who are depending on me to keep them alive? Did I take on too much doing this school? I wish there were multiple choice answers to my questions, just like on my exams. How do I keep my loved ones safe A. B. C. D. Choose one. Sometimes I feel like even if I had choices I'd pick the wrong choice.
It's not just nursing school, after all, it's the journey of life. Isn't that what I'm trying to protect? So in the middle of maternity, where I'm seeing new life every week, I find myself trying my damndest to protect the lives of those around me. I feel like they're not supposed to be the people I'm learning about. My family should be on my side and patients should be on the other. It's a whole different ballgame when those lines cross. It involves a whole lot of emotion and more worrying than before I started school. Now I know what can go wrong. I've seen the pictures, I've heard the teachers talk about it. A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing. I've come a long way to be this scared, but I don't think it's going away anytime soon. So while life is smacking me around a little, and always at the worst of times, I need to remember that I'm not in control of everything and that my plans make God laugh. All I can ask is that he's watching over my loved ones and the loved ones of whoever is reading this.
Lots of Blessings
Mary

Maternity Test, Presentation, and FINALLY some FUN

Hello all! We had our presentation last week and it went fairly well! We had an awesome booklet that H put together and a powerpoint presentation behind us. One at a time, we got up from our seats and talked about our topics, all having to do with post-partum issues like breastfeeding and exercise. It went off without a hitch. No one messed up and the teacher even said that she wished she would have video taped it as an example for the incoming class. H even brought her pregnant sister and a pregnant friend so we had actual bellies to teach! It was great! So we're all pretty happy that it's over now!
Immediately after the presentation we had to start studying for the next test. It was this past Monday and I got a 90! Yay! I studied all weekend and the got together with H and went through all the powerpoint handouts to make sure we understood all of them. So we were pretty happy when we went over the test and did well. Others didn't, though, and so some drinks were in order. We went out and had a great time! The alcohol was flowing :) After tests are the only time you can actually let loose, so it felt great! Although getting up the next day @ 5 for clinicals sucked!
Clinicals this week weren't as great as last week or the week before. I was on the postpartum unit and I find it not as interesting. I kind of feel like I'm intruding on their personal time. I remember all these nurses in and out when I was in the hospital with my kids and it was annoying. This time I feel like I am annoying! You have to go in and assess the mom and the baby which is pretty cool but it's when they first wake up and they may have had a baby a couple of hours before. Poor things :( At least in the other units they were giving birth, laboring, or the baby's were in the NICU and I was keeping an eagle eye over them. So I don't really think that post-partum is my thing.
So that was my week in a nutshell!
This week we have lecture for 2 hrs on Monday, we have off from clinicals on Tuesday, a simulation on Wedns., and 3 hours of lecture on Thurs. I'm going to listen to my lecture now and pull out my powerpoints and go over them, while my kids are enthralled with Wall-E that the Easter Bunny gave them! Happy Easter to all!!!