This is the Reason

I hope everyone's week is flying along. Mine surely is. Everyday this week I've been so busy that I haven't really felt the weight of leaving work. Until I just packed my desk up. I am LEAVING my JOB. I have empty drawers and all. I'll truly be a 27 year old college student. Ugh. Why was I such and idiot when I was 18?!?! I soooo should have done this back then. Now I have to put my family at financial risk. I guess hindsight is 20/20, though. So there goes my desk job and here comes a full time student nurse :)
Well, the family from Alabama is here and they are great! I met J's cousin for the first time and she is so nice. His uncle is a riot, too. It'll be sad to see them go.
I have Har and LJ's B-day party this weekend. I haven't been able to concentrate on it so it's a thrown together thing. It'll be great though. The kids just wants cake. Har keeps askin "Is it today?!" She doesn't have any concept that it's this weekend. I just can't believe my babies are going to be 3 and 2.
I looked at pictures of LJ in the incubator in the NICU the other day and started to tear up. He's so big and strong now! It's amazing how such tiny babies have such big wills. J was remembering his breathing, how he used to have a completely caved in ribcage every time he breathed out and then it would expand out so big, all for one breath. It was so rapid, too. We thought he might not make it. Now he's healthy as a horse and is running and learning and so loving. When he's not saying no to us, of course.
I wanted to devote a little about LJ's NICU stay because it solidified my choice that I had already made, going to school for nursing. When I first went into the NICU I was by myself and that nurse was an angel beside me. She guided me to look at what the numbers on the machines were and how he was good and what was bad, instead of the lifelessness of my pneumonia plagued 6 hour old baby. She told me what the tubes and IV's and wires were, instead of treating me like I couldn't handle information. When I found out that LJ couldn't be touched, she snuck a couple of moments where I could hold his hand, easing the agony that I had sitting next to him. She shared my sentiments that a mom needs to touch her baby and every baby needs a mother's touch. She gave me enough to survive on. In the following days when I visited all the time and called when I wasn't there, the nurses never complained or sounded bothered. That was so comforting to me, after all, they had my baby boy. They gave me hope and comfort and told me it wasn't my fault, which I desperately needed to hear. Those things are why I want to be a nurse. I've been on the other side, now I want to help people going through those moments of helplessness and of feeling completely lost.
After retelling that, I think I'm ready to pack up the rest of my desk now. Have a great night.